


Homebound

by theherochild



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bandom - Freeform, Bands, Brendon is a rolling stone, M/M, Oneshot, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Ryden, Sad Ryan, loosely based off of kaleidoscope eyes, not angsty but just a bit, not like the band but ya know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 02:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theherochild/pseuds/theherochild
Summary: Ryan has created himself a home in which he will never leave whereas Brendon can never find it in himself to stay, but no matter where he is, he will always find his way back home.





	Homebound

"Where are you today?" the warm honeysuckle voice whispered into the receiver.

"Would you believe me if I said Tokyo, Ryan?" a lighter voice responded from the other line, the fingers of his left hand drumming against the handle of his classic black suitcase.

"Seeing as you were naked in my arms only a few hours ago, no," Ryan replied with a small chuckle, turning to glance at the now vacant corner that had been occupied by another man's clothes not long ago. But there wasn't a trace of him in the room now, aside from the marks left on Ryan's neck and memories that could last a life time.

"One of these days I will be in Tokyo and you'll have to get off to the sound of my voice as I'm being fucked by an Asian man," he replied, his voice surprisingly loud for a man standing in an airport. A mother glanced over at him, bringing her child to the other side of her hip that he happily clung to. Of course, Brendon was oblivious to it.

"Oh, yeah?" Ryan smirked, running his fingers through his hair to brush the curls out of his eyes. "Well, Brendon, when you do go to Tokyo, make sure you bring me a souvenir."

"You mean a husband for yourself?"

"Precisely."

The two men laughed in unison, the timing slightly off due to the second delay in phone calls but that didn't matter to them, they just enjoyed hearing the musical jingle from the other end.

"Were you going to make me breakfast?" Brendon asked teasingly, glancing at the seemingly unwavering line of security ahead of him.

"Can I plead the fifth?" Ryan asked, chuckling a bit before saying, "But yes, I was going to warm up some pepperoni pizza for you."

Ryan yawned into his wrist and moved the covers off of his waist as the other rolled his eyes in response. Ryan stood up then and stretched in his full naked glory before sauntering into the kitchen, the cool tiles brushing against his heels and nipping at his toes as he walked.

He then turned his phone on speaker, placing it on the counter so he could grab himself a bowl and the lone box of honey nut Cheerios stored in a cabinet. He poured them into a bowl and grabbed the milk, beginning to eat while leaning back against the counter.

"I'm sure that will be better than the breakfast in store for me," Brendon sighed as he finally moved up in line.

"And what would that be?"

"A chocolate doughnut and a coffee."

"Ah, breakfast of champions."

"And what is it that you're having?"

"Well, my good sir, I have a five star cereal dashed with a hint of honey and then sprinkled with the finest milk gathered from the ripest cows," Ryan replied, taking a bite of his cereal, "you're missing out here."

"Well, when I have a New York girl in bed, I'll let you know who's missing out."

"Ah, so Brendon's heart currently lies with the city that never sleeps?"

Brendon hummed in response, shifting his phone onto his shoulder to show the security guard his ticket. He nodded politely and moved ahead.

"Hey, Ry, I have to call you back."

Ryan knew the routine, he had done this many times before. Brendon couldn't surprise him now, he only would if he actually did call back if it wasn't to have phone sex.

"Have a safe flight, I hope that the Big Apple treats you well," Ryan said, waiting for the other to hang up. Brendon did a moment later and Ryan glanced down at his phone, watching Brendon's face fade from his screen to be replaced by a white screen logging their call.

He immediately cleared it, any contact with Brendon wiped completely, just like in his bedroom.

Meanwhile in the thriving airport in the center of Los Angeles, a man with dark hair paired with a smart looking suit glanced down at his watch. The gold flecks matched the ones in his dark eyes. Brendon boarded the plane about an hour later and was lying in a hotel bed drunk next to another in ten.

He wouldn't think of Ryan at all, as he never did on the first night; but the longing to lean his head on the other's shoulder would begin to grow and drinking cheap red wine while watching reruns of Gilligan's Island would start to feel like a more desirable task than venturing the carefully coordinated streets of New York.

But not the first night, no; the first night would involve the mischievous blond next to him who had a few filthy tricks up her sleeve and as Brendon tipped his glass back, he knew he was about to start this cycle all over again.

-

Brendon's room was a mess when the sun fell a third time. Clothes were tossed everywhere and lingerie hung from the lamps or were tied to the bedposts.

He was on the phone with none other than Ryan, one hand on his stomach as he gasped for air.

"Ry-Ryan," he gasped, face contorted as he laughed.

"It wasn't even that funny, Brendon," Ryan chuckled, looking out his window while cradling his phone to his ear. His normally neutral look was cracked at his lips where a smile broke through.

"I-I can't breathe," Brendon said, laying down on his bed and starting to cough.

"I can't believe you laughed at that, let alone fucking died over it," Ryan chuckled, shaking his head as he continued observing the emerald city of plants overlooking his house. It was simple, just how Ryan liked it. Nothing too extravagant, just comfortable. This is where he differed from his counterpart.

"I think you're laughing because you miss me," Ryan teased, licking his bottom lip as he turned away from the window towards the pure white kitchen walls.

"I think you're right," Brendon sighed, finally calming down as he moved his hand off his stomach and into his hair.

"Well of course I'm right, that's hardly surprising," Ryan mused, tapping his fingers against the mahogany dining table as he found himself blankly staring at a simple modern painting hanging in his kitchen. A blood red apple in a dark colored bowl. The rest of the painting was very light but that dark apple was the center and was what caught the eye.

"I'm coming home tomorrow," Brendon said after a moment of silence, a smile across his lips.

"Good, the other men don't add that hint of flavor I need in my life," Ryan replied with an even brighter grin. He was alone, also aware of the fact that Brendon knew as such.

Brendon laughed, stifling it with his free hand.

"So you miss me?" Brendon asked, his finger tips brushing against his lips as he spoke.

"In a way," Ryan replied with a smile, looking away from the painting, "I at least miss your mouth."

"My mouth?" Brendon laughed, puckering his lips into the receiver. "On your skin?"

Ryan hummed, eyes fluttering closed as he nodded. "Depending on the day, sweetheart," he said with a grin, chuckling as he heard Brendon huff on the other side of the line.

"You want my ass at all hours of the day, sweetheart, don't even deny it," Brendon said while rolling his eyes, stretching his back as he lay on the bed.

"It would be a lie to deny it, I have to admit," Ryan chuckled, "but as amazing as your mouth can be, when you open it without the intent of pleasuring, it is also your worst feature."

Brendon's eyes narrowed, "You better be joking, or you will find your bed empty in two day's time."

"Of course I am, I enjoy talking to you, almost as much as I like you in my bed."

Brendon was able to lighten up, chuckling a bit.

"I bet that's only a fraction of how it feels to travel the country, huh?" Ryan added, unable to see the way Brendon's sweet smile fell.

"Yeah, the country is beautiful, Ryan. Why haven't you left LA? You certainly have the money to."

Ryan released a sigh, averting his eyes and licking his bottom lip.

"I've told you before and I'll tell you again, my place in the world is here. I don't have this burning desire to explore like you do, I think it's all over romanticized anyways."

Brendon bit the inside of his cheek, holding his tongue so he wouldn't accidentally tell Ryan how damn right he was.

"The world's a lonely place, Brendon, and just because you can say that you've seen Niagara Falls and the Empire State Building and the Liberty Bell doesn't make it any less lonelier."

The two fell into silence after that statement, Brendon thinking it over and Ryan waiting for Brendon to speak.

"I'll be back tomorrow . . . your world will at least have two people in it."

"I can't wait," Ryan replied simply, knowing that this was Brendon's goodbye. And not a moment later, Brendon hung up.

-

Ryan's world was soon in his arms after Brendon had flew home and immediately went to Ryan's house for what he called 'I missed you so much' sex. Brendon was currently asleep and a not-so-tired Ryan lay awake, curling his forefinger around locks of the other's hair while watching his chest rise and fall.

Brendon stirred in his sleep, Ryan responded by pulling him closer to his chest and kissing the top of his head.

"Ryan," Brendon said, catching the other off-guard because he sounded fully awake, "do you think the world really is lonely?"

Ryan responded without a second thought, "Our purpose in life is to find someone to become less lonely or even to be lonely with. I haven't found mine so I decided to let him find me."

"But what if he has the same thought? What if he wants you to find him?"

"Then we'll never meet, I suppose."

This was rather discouraging to Brendon and he found himself looking down at the other's bare chest. He pulled Ryan on top of him, one hand resting on the back of the taller's neck.

"Do I make you less lonely?" he asked with darken eyes and lips begging to be kissed.

Ryan looked at him, thinking for a moment as he leaned in to kiss Brendon softly. When he pulled back, he replied simply.

"Yes."

The next morning, Ryan would be greeted with the smell of lavendars and upon opening his eyes would realizing that the scent came from Brendon's hair. His smile would begin to grow and he'd lay besides Brendon until the other woke up, greeting him with morning kisses and feeling the least lonely he had ever felt in his life.

The day after, Brendon would be on a plane to London claiming that he seemed to not be destined for an American boy or girl while Ryan would find himself accompanied by only his thoughts and various types of alcohol.

-

"London," Ryan said, his voice calm as he stood fully clothed in the threshold of his bedroom while his conterpart sat on his bed naked.

"The country was boring me," Brendon shrugged, standing up and making his way to Ryan to kiss down his neck.

"London," Ryan repeated, pushing Brendon's lips away and turning his head so that Brendon had no choice but to look into his eyes.

"Yeah, so?"

Ryan's eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "I understand that you want to see the world but you didn't tell me you were going to London."

"I knew that you wouldn't want to come so I don't see how it's any different from anywhere else I have been."

"You could have told me."

"What? Are you my mom or something? My boyfriend?"

"No, I'm not your mom nor your boyfriend. I am your friend though, right? We may sleep together but we are friends. Friends with benefits if you like, or at this point, more benefits than friends."

Brendn's eyes narrowed, "I wouldn't want to be your boyfriend anyway."

"I wasn't offering, sweetheart."

Brendon glared at Ryan, lips pressed together and brows furrowed. It made him even more angry that Ryan wasn't melting under his glare.

"I don't understand why you're so upset."

"Upset? Do I look upset?" Ryan raised a brow. "I just don't want to have sex with you right now and I'm trying to talk to you like a normal human being but your first instinct is to strip."

Ryan's words only made Brendon more angry.

"Fuck you," he said, pulling his clothes on before storming out, taking the next plane to Australia. As usual, Ryan didn't follow.

-

Brendon would spend a month down under followed by another month in Paris and then home for another two months before he knocked on Ryan's front door again.

Ryan answered, sipping on what looked like his morning coffee.

"Hey," Brendon said, looking anxiously at his friend.

Ryan didn't even look surprised to see him, "Hey."

"We need to talk."

Ryan shrugged, "Nothing to talk about, I don't think, unless you're going to brag about going-" Ryan was cut off by barking, and it wasn't an angry response by Brendon.

"Dottie, honey, one minute," Ryan called out, sighing as his newly adopted puppy came over to sit at Ryan's heels.

Brendon looked down, slightly shocked. "How do I not know about this cutie?" he asked while crouching down onto his knees to let her jump onto his lap.

"Because we haven't talked in four months," Ryan replied bluntly with a shrug, sipping on his coffee and looking towards the street as if he had something casually about the weather.

Brendon winced at that, standing up then and biting his bottom lip, "You've talked about getting her forever, a basset hound I mean, so why now?"

"Because I hate being alone."

"But you're always alone, you almost never leave your house."

Ryan responded by shaking his head and whistling for Dottie to follow him inside.

"Wait," Brendon called out, making the other turn, "can I come in?"

Ryan looked stunned and was unable to look away, "My world is yours."

Brendon stepped through the threshold and into Ryan's world, looking around. It hadn't changed too much, aside from the happy puppy and her things.

"Can I have a drink?" Brendon asked, feeling out of place and distant from what he used to call home.

"Yeah," Ryan said, leaning against the counter and sipping on his coffee as he watched him. Brendon grabbed the purified water holder from the fridge and poured himself a glass, feeling Ryan's eyes on him but when he looked up, he noticed that Ryan wasn't looking at him at all. He was focused on the painting of the apple hanging out of place in the kitchen.

"Ryan," Brendon said, trying to get his attention.

"I'm listening," was the simple reply, the mug lowered from his lips and instead cradled in his hands.

"Look at me," Brendon said, walking closer to Ryan and putting his cup down. He grabbed Ryan's chin and made him look up at him.

"Now, listen."

Ryan stayed put, lowering his cup of coffee onto the counter and pushing him away. But he held his gaze.

"Do you know why I leave?"

"To see the world, find your soulmate, fuck different people, brag, experience, I don't know."

"No. Next question, if I could be anywhere in the world, where would I be?"

"Try anywhere you've been. London, Paris, Australia, Hawaii, New York City, Florida-"

Ryan was cut off by Brendon kissing him hard on the mouth. It took him a moment to realize what the other had done before cupping his cheek and wrapping his arm around his waist to pull him closer. It was second nature and even though Ryan hadn't slept with anyone well over a few months, Brendon was easy to kiss and touch. He would have been an easy lover had he not been such a rolling stone.

Brendon pulled back after a minute. "It's laying in bed hungover with you in the summer, sheets thrown aside and sweat prickling our skin; it's playing beer pong together alone on Halloween, doing shots and the loser having to hand out candy to tricker-treaters; it's your warm embrace in our fort of blankets, your arms wrapped around me so I won't be cold on Christmas Eve; and it's watching the world bloom and re-bloom once again as we water your flowers. It's here, all the time. You make my world less lonely, Ryan, you're my favorite place."

Ryan remained silent, rubbing Brendon's back as he looked down at him. Brendon looked worked up but when Ryan brushed his cheek with his fingertips, his eyes closed.

"And I know how fucked up this sounds but he world stops moving when I'm in your arms and that terrifies me. I don't want anything but you and the fucked up part is that I know I can leave and I can come back because you won't have anyone else. I know you never sleep with anyone else and if you were the one traveling the world, I'd be heartbroken that you even looked at anyone else let alone felt their skin and-"

"I don't want to think about that," Ryan said, images in his mind that he wish Brendon hadn't triggered.

"That's not the point," Brendon said quickly, cupping Ryan's cheek to soothe him and make sure that he would continue to listen, "I leave because it all gets too real and I know I can come back to you, but even if you left me, I would fight with every cell in my body, not just the bloody white ones, for you."

Ryan was silent for a moment, staring at his shoes as Brendon tried to make eye contact. After a moment, he took a step back but Ryan caught his wrist to keep him close. In the next moment, Brendon said, "I want to see the world but I know that one day, if this goes well it'll be soon, I'll never want to leave your side. I won't be wasting my life by staying with you, god, not at all, and if you would have me, I'd be the happiest man in the world. But, this small part of me thinks I haven't lived a full life unless I've been to all these places and fucked all these people and done all these drugs . . . baby, I don't even know if you'll have me."

Ryan was silent at first and that scared Brendon because he knew that meant that the other was choosing his words extremely carefully. "You don't, you don't have to do anything. Every life is worthwhile, you don't have to earn the right to live. It's granted, it's been granted to us. So just live, Brendon, however you want to. If it's by exploring the world, keep exploring. If it's by joining me in mine, stay. I'm not holding you back or asking you to go. Because when your drinks are gone, I'll still be here wishing that you were home."

Brendon gave a small nod and pecked his lips. "I don't want to be lonely."

"You're not," Ryan said, moving his hand up to run his fingers through his hair, "I would never let that happen to you."

Brendon gave a small smile and let Ryan go, backing away from him. He offered Ryan his hand, which the other took, and guided him to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and the moment it was closed, Ryan had him pinned to the wall.

"So, what if we start our world off with religion."

Brendon huffed, "That's a turn off."

Ryan just smirked, "Not really, we dance without our pants, sing harmonies of our names, and I worship you in the bedroom."

Brendon's heart swelled and he nodded eagerly as he looked into the other's kaleidoscopic eyes that mixed a soft hazel with dark brown from lust, "Yeah, let's start with religion."

-

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about a year ago and edited it a bit so I could post on here now that I have an account. It is loosely based off of "Kaleidoscope Eyes" and despite the fact that it wasn't the original intent, I feel like it fits much better.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
